I am a very humble man – the reason I will tell

I found that when I’m boasting things don’t turn out very well It seems to me events conspire to bring me to disgrace And I often end up humbled and with egg upon my face.

 

I remember well what Willy said when he came late to church

“Our water tank is playing up – it’s left us in the lurch I tried to have a shower but I found the water cold I shouldn’t expect much better for the element’s quite old.

 

One shower a day is all we get, we cannot wash a lot

For the heater in my water tank is just one kilowatt

I’ve tried to get an upgrade but the plumber’s costs are high

I guess we’ll have to struggle along – his service I can’t buy.”

 

“You do not have to worry”   I said with boasting pride

“No need for you to have to pay a plumber from outside

We can do the job ourselves, so lets give it a try

I am an expert at all things that men call DIY.”

 

“We must first turn off the water, there’s a tap there on the mains

Then open up that stopcock till all the water drains

Disconnect the electric power so we do not get a shock

Then we can change the element by screwing out the block.”

 

That’s when our problems started for the stopcock was shut tight We couldn’t turn it one degree though we tried with all our might.

I said, “We must not be defeated – lets try another way”

But we should have ended the project then for this wasn’t to be our day.

 

Then I had a madman’s brainstorm. “Let’s take the element out 

We can let the water leak slowly, of that I have no doubt”

I turned the block a few degrees until it started to drip

“Just a little more, just a little more, don’t let the spanner slip.”

 

Twas then the accident happened, the block must have had weak threads

For the element came away in my hand and water shot over our heads There was a two inch hole in the water tank where the element had been And the water gushed out through that gaping hole in a multi-gallon stream.

 

Towels and blankets and handkerchiefs were stuffed into that hole

Whatever we could lay our hands upon we borrowed or we stole Some inches high throughout the room the flooding water came My boastful pride came tumbling down and I stood in humbled shame.

 

The new element went in that hole and we screwed it up real tight

With water in and power on we checked it worked all right We brushed the floodtide through the door to the garden out the back Then turned our humbled selves inside, the new problem to attack.

 

We took the furniture all outside for the water had come quite high

And we stacked it in the sunshine so that it could quickly dry But the carpet was a sodden mess as we raised it from the floor And came apart in several bits as we dragged it through the door.

 

When Willy fetched his wife from work he took her by the arm

“I’ve decided to buy a present for you” he said with endearing charm She could not understand why, for a present, a new carpet he would buy And she still doesn’t know the reason -and I’m not going to tell her why!

 

Gareth Evans