Two in the Bed

We’d spent an enjoyable evening, with friends who’re our delight When we found the time was late, they asked “Wont you stay the night? We have a spare room down below where you can lay your head

There’s an on-suite there with all mod.cons.and  a lovely double bed.”

 

My wife and I were quick to agree, to drive home would be a chore

As fog outside restricted vision to about ten feet – no more

So leaving our friends we went below and started counting sheep Snuggling in beneath warm sheets we were soon both fast asleep.

 

Now my wife’s a very light sleeper who tosses and turns a lot

And she’s always moving in her sleep to my side of the cot We wakes me up quite often, though she’s still fast asleep  And I have to push her gently back –her own side she should keep.

 

Twas in the middle of this night when I could take no more 

She was pushing hard upon me and the sheets were on the floor A lunging kick in the small of my back gave me the fright of my life For whoever was in the bed with me, it couldn’t be my wife.

 

She breathed bad breath into my face as her arms went round my neck

She didn’t have to push me more – I quickly hit the deck

She was snoring very loudly, sounded like sawing a log

By the light of the moon I could see her face – it was the family dog!

 

The hundred pound dalmation pup had come into our room

Had found our bed half empty, so climbed in to the warm

I yelled “Get out you crazy mutt, you can’t stay in my bed

The place for you is the laundry room or else out in the shed.”

 

She sauntered slowly from the room, her tail between her legs

The look on her face was appealing, like a poor child who begs But I wouldn’t share my bed with her, Never! Not on your life!

I closed the door and began to search the basement for my wife.

 

I found her in the washroom and said “Are you OK?”

She said “ I am but tell me please the dog has gone away

I’ve been stuck in this predicament twenty minutes or more

When I wanted to leave, I couldn’t for their dog was guarding the door.”

 

“She wouldn’t heed my pleading when I tried to coax her out

And I was afraid we’d wake everyone if I had started to shout

So I sat here in a quandry wondering what to do

It seemed I’d have to spend all night stuck here in the loo.”

 

I took her quietly back to bed and we snuggled up real tight

While I told her of the other female  by my side that night  She started to laugh and giggle and I could sleep no more If ever you stay in a house with a dog – be sure to close the door!